OK, so I've been back among the living for about a week now. Its nice... basically what happened folks is that about 10 days into December, my pain level reached the point where it shut down the higher processing of my brain. I was either feeling every single bit of the pain without any abatement, or I was incredibly tripped out.And in the mean time, my life has pretty much been taken over by going for scans, going for bloodwork, repeating the scans, repeating the bloodwork... early on I made a quip that by the time this is all over I'd be seen by every specialist except an OB/GYN. Well, that's indeed how it's played out. Safer than ever on the OB/GYN front- the ONLY abnormality they have found is significantly elevated testosterone... so much so that they gave me the third degree about whether I'd been shooting up steroids and androgens!
So that's where things stand... one bone broken and reenforced with a titanium rebar, countless others close to needing the same.
I've had less pain and fog the last week to 10 days, but that's not to say it isn't there... when my muscle fibers aren't itching and spasming and trying to push against each other like two magnets... I'm able and inclined to push off my awareness of the pain in favor of more pleasant stimuli. I have the pain tolerance of a rhino on meth... I used to eat habanero peppers for the exquisite burrrrn.
So what now... where to now?
I will always maintain that pain in itself is NEVER a benefit or blessing. What ever good comes from work through it comes in spite of it.
I did not need this pain to learn about pain... I've been caring for a woman in pain for the last 12 years, and most of my professional experiences have been with people in physical, spiritual, or emotional pain.
Indeed, I was surprised how WELL I understood the emotional, physical, and spiritual dynamics of living in AGONY.
So nope, no benefit there... nothing to be learned I didn't already know.
What is NEW, and is quite overwhelming to face, is that while the pain may not have changed me, the over all medical condition has DRASTICALLY changed the laws of the universe under while I operate.
Before this, I was at my physical prime... I was getting more exercise than ever, but I was in good shape even in Chicago because of stairs and walking.
- I could always trust that if I used good sense and good body mechanics, my body would go along with any plans I had for it.
- I could always count on being able keep my focus on something other than pain when ever needed.
- I could always count on my innate sense of balance, time, and space and my cat like reflexes to keep me physically safe.
NONE of that can be assumed now.
It is no exaggeration to say that I've had to relearn how to do most everything- as anybody who's had bone or joint problems- especially hip and leg- knows and has lived.
There's not a single aspect of my life which is not affected by the limitations which my osteoporosis ridden body and volcanic pain place on me!
So that's why I chose this new picture for my avvy. Its an arted up and negativized picture of Savi, our alpha female papillon.
How much will I get into the various events which have happened? Haven't a clue. Some of it makes for pretty riveting story telling, but having lived it, I'm not at all certain I want to take my newly reacquired lucidity and apply it to that task.
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